Dec 19, 202322 min read

Kit Jonah's Birth Story

Disclaimer: This post is based on my own personal experience; I am not a medical professional. The information in this post should not be taken as medical advice.

Placental Abruption.

There is so much to be said.

I will be the first to say, there can be joy in your suffering.

And I am here to share with you a little glimpse of how God brought us to our knees.

Surrendering everything over to Him, with our last birth.

(see the birth video at the bottom of blog)

If we can be completely honest… our home birth was doomed from the start, except I had no idea. The birth team had no idea. The only person who could have seen this coming was God. After a long weekend of laboring at home, we had no choice but to transfer to a nearby hospital if we wanted to continue our labor + delivery. It was a huge disappointment, but the most important thing was that both I & our son were safe. I wanted to give having a VBA2C delivery my best shot if we were to get pregnant again, which also meant that I needed to sufficiently educate myself on the risks/benefits involved in making this choice for our family.

Aside from praying about it ourselves, I also invited trusted family + friends in & asked them to be praying wisdom + clarity over us as well. As we progressed through the pregnancy, I became more confident in what I was learning about physiological birth & began to better understand the cascade of interventions that likely led to my previous cesareans. As my knowledge of birth & understanding of what happened in my previous birth experiences grew, the Lord also divinely placed people into my life who helped reveal to me that the hospital-bound model of care was not going to provide me with the birth I so deeply hoped for—at least not without resistance & a great deal of self-advocacy being done on my part.

From there, we were pointed in the direction of resources & discussions + consultations with our midwife + doula who gave us the matter-of-fact data & information regarding the safety/risks of a home delivery, what would happen in an emergency, self assessment questions for us to consider if we were suitable candidates for a home birth.

(because not everyone is & that’s okay)

The average person knows so little about birth that they don’t even know what they’re afraid of. When you don’t have the proper information, when you haven’t educated yourself on a topic, lots of things can seem scary. If you actually take the time to name your specific fears & research them, that education can triumph over fear. This is how I felt 110% confident in my decision to experience a freebirth after 2 cesareans.

I didn’t let anyone scare me about the “somethings”. I named them, researched what they were, how frequent they occurred, what the outcomes were likely to be, what to do if they happened, & how to prevent them in the first place. I also knew what trying to VBAC was like in a hospital setting, which further helped my decision.

Once I knew & understood the facts, I had no doubt in my mind that an undisturbed home birth was the best & safest choice for our 3rd live birth, until it wasn’t anymore. At first the idea of a home birth sounded a little scary, but that was mainly because I didn’t personally know anyone who had done it. Home births account for less than 1% of all births in the United States each year—so it’s not a popular choice here. However, home births are actually fairly common & widely regarded as safe in other countries.

The more I considered my options & the more my husband + I talked about it, the more I came around to the idea of a home birth. In fact, I started to look forward to it. You could ask anyone, I became fearless at the thought of being able to give birth here from the comfort of our home. Whether or not I try a home birth again is not up to me at all. Sadly, I don’t have the choice to try a home birth again. If we were to ever consider having another or accidentally conceive again… our safest option would be to deliver with a midwife in a hospital setting & as much as that hurts my heart, I am content in knowing that is the safest place for me to give birth to our children.

There’s no getting around the fact that each subsequent cesarean birth adds more risk to the mother—since I’ve had three now, I don’t feel like tempting fate a fourth time.

My husband + I have three beautiful children, which is definitely a full house! I think we can say with confidence that our family is complete... But that doesn’t mean I’d discourage other moms from trying. However, despite the disappointing outcome, I don’t regret trying for a home birth. The home birth experience is empowering. I felt completely comfortable. I was in familiar surroundings, I knew what to expect because it wasn’t my first birth, & I was determined to have the birth that I wanted. So even though the final outcome of a c-section wasn’t what I planned or hoped for, I am grateful for the experience we had attempting a home birth. Plus, the c-section wasn’t a consequence of trying a home birth, but rather my genetics. I would have ended up in the operating room no matter where I chose to start labor.

The thing about thoughts + ideas though is that they are just that & oftentimes they don't play out quite as well in the real world. Sometimes it takes some life experiences to realize the error of one's ways & that was certainly the case for me as a mama this time around.

Pregnancy is hard. Birth is messy. Postpartum is stressful.

Saturday, September 16th 6pm. Early labor started--I was 2cm dilated. Contractions were about 10 minutes apart from each other, jumping around but not staying consistent all day long. I had been in prodromal labor from 36 weeks, up until this point. I was 40 weeks 1 when my body decided to go into labor naturally. Origninally, I thought my water had ruptured...

but unfortunately it was the start to my placenta abrupting.

My best friend, Skylar, arrived at our home first around 8pm to be there with us for support. Contractions were 6-7 minutes apart & I started working on my breathing techniques during each uterus muscle contraction. The birth team got there to be with us at 9pm that Saturday evening & our doula immediately started taking such great care of us.

During this evening, my blood pressure had spiked + I requested to be alone to work on my hypnobirthing + prayer time by myself. My BP was still higher than usual & we used liquid CAL/MAG to bring it down to try to get a better reading. After a couple of hours, my BP was still concerning + had not gone down by much, even with the supplements... So my husband & I decided to invite God into our birth & home + allowed Him to take full control.

I'll never forget, my husband covered me in so much prayer during this entire birth. Towards the end of us laboring at home, I felt & saw the pain in my husband's eyes. He could feel the shift with our pregnancy + he knew I was being stubborn, fighting so hard for what I wanted. Yet he still encouraged me to stay hydrated, following me around with my water + electrolytes all day while in active labor. He was my biggest cheerleader & I am so happy that we were able to experience birth together in a different light this time around. He was with me every second of the way, he even went outside to curb walk with me + our doula right before our chiropractor came over for my 2nd adjustment in the last 24 hours.

I love you, Tyler McElveen. You are perfect for me in ways that only God knew I needed, & while this life may not always be easy... I know now that we can handle it all, as long as we do it together. This has been BY FAR, the hardest year with the biggest hurdles that I would have never expected. But we brought God back into our lives and we put in the effort, communicated, & fought for our marriage. It didn’t take us long to remember how incredibly compatible & RIGHT we are for one another.

Somehow, we turned the hardest year of our marriage into the absolute best! We overcame things that could have broken us + we came out stronger, healthier & happier. We have never been in a better, more loving place & I am so thrilled to know that I have had my husband by my side through it all. He held me up through it all & I mean, he held me through every contraction... dead weight & all. His poor neck was so tired + sore from me hanging around him. But not once did he tell me that I couldn't do this & he reminded me over + over again about how strong I was & he allowed me to try to have our baby at home + that is something I will thank him for, forever.

Since I was only dilated to 2cm at this point, we sent our birth team home at 1am until things decided to pick back up. Our midwife informed me to take a magnesium flake bath & then to go right to bed to try to sleep through the contractions. BUT I got absolutely no sleep, my contractions picked back up around 5am & they were about 4-6 minutes apart from each other. We called our doula to come back over to be with us & she sat with us through some realllllllllly HARD hours. Our doula recommended we go outside for some fresh air around 9am Sunday morning + she also brought her rebozo with her to our house & wrapped around my midsection. This wrap made it easier for me to walk & squat in labor + it also helped me conserve some energy for things to come.. Squatting helps move the baby down & open the pelvis for labor, making things a lot smoother for the delivery of the baby.

Our chiropractor came over that Sunday around 2pm to adjust me & said that my tailbone had completely kicked back + had changed dramatically since I had seen him 24 hours prior to this adjustment. Before this last adjustment, every contraction I was experiencing felt like there was this shocking pain in my groin shooting down my legs, it was a pain I will never be able to forget. So we called the midwife to come back out to check me out again. I honestly thought the chiropractic adjustment was going to give me relief from the pain I was experiencing & it did temporarily... BUT after our chiro left & our midwife had arrived back at our home by 3pm that afternoon & the pain had already come back, so we asked the midwife to check me again to see where we were at. At this point, I was only dilated to a stretchy 5cm. I was so discouraged, I thought I was way past 5 cm of dilation because of how much pain I was currently experiencing.

After the midwife had checked me for the second time, I was showing signs of mild vaginal bleeding. At that moment, I could feel it in my bones that something internally wasn't right & we right then informed our birth team that we were choosing to make the transfer to Baylor hospital to receive medical care. Once we arrived to the hospital, I had started bleeding pretty moderately & we were not only concerned for Kit's health, but for mine as well. We grabbed our hospital bags, sent the kids over to the inlaws & got to Baylor by 5pm.

The moment I released my control & opened up my hands from clenching onto having this baby at home, I could feel the energy changing in the room. I finally felt a sense of relief. I wanted answers. I wanted to know what was going on internally. Matter of fact, I needed to know what was going on in my body, so in this moment... I chose to surrender to western medicine & I am so glad I did, because it saved my life & I was able to meet our baby on the earth side, with God by our side.

We ended up only bringing our doula with us to the hospital since they would only let one other person in the room beside my support partner which was Tyler of course. The OB who I was receiving care from was going to allow me to continue my VBAC but after we got to the hospital... But we ended up seeing a pattern in our son's HR that would plummet during every contraction I was having & at this point, my vaginl bleeding was severe + our OB informed us that more than likely our VBA2C was going to end up in an emergency c-section.

So after almost 40 hours of labor, with no sleep... I was maternally exhausted + I completely surrendered my birth over to the professionals & THANK GOD I DID. Because I learned that if I would of never made the transfer, my body would of lost so much blood... I would of needed a transfusion anyways. We also learned that if my body were to of delivered my placenta before dilating to a full 10cm, then it would of been fatal for our baby to be inside the womb with no source of nutrients or oxygen. In this moment, I know I made the right decision. I was ready to meet my baby & I didn't care how. I knew I didn't want to stress out over it & I did not want the baby to be under any more stress, either.

I will never forget laying there on the cold table, completely surrendering to birth, handing the ropes over to God saying, "You do this, because I cannot anymore." And then I heard my baby crying. I started crying tears of joy because it was over. Our baby was here & he was safe. The OB who delivered me informed me that my placenta looked rich + healthy, but that 20% of it was compromised in labor & the bleeding I was experiencing was due to my placenta breaking down, trying to deliver itself before the baby was ready to come. Then it all started to make sense to me why I felt like my water had broken at 6pm Saturday night & why I was starting to contract + experience so much pain in my pelvic floor.

The OB knew I wanted to take my placenta home with me, but he asked if we would be open to sending it off to a pathology lab to get it studied to see what happened + what went wrong. So I agreed to it because I wanted answers to why this happened to us. I had a healthy pregnancy leading up to this point... But all the OB could say was that it was a rare condition that happens to some women & that he didn't really have an answer to why it happens, that it just does sometimes. I asked the OB if our doula could take some photos of the placenta for us before it was sent off to the lab & this picture was the OB showing us where 20% of the placenta had been missing. The lab results have come back & I am still undergoing some help from a functional medicine doctor that is going to help us figure out what went wrong with my body internally because nothing stood out to the lab that needed special attention or that anything was actually wrong internally.

Because we brought our doula with us to the hospital, we were able to do everything according to our birth plan minus the vaginal delivery & the delayed cord clamping. When they were able to retrieve Kit, the OB had discovered that my placenta had been completely detached from my uterine wall & the cord was completely white + no longer pulsating. So there was no telling how long Kit was inside of the womb without oxygen + nutrients, but God had His hand on us both & somehow he was born with no issues. Our baby boy was a living, breathing miracle.

I knew with this last pregnancy, I wanted a different experience than the first two births. With two unnecessary hospital cesareans, this time around… I stood in my power, dreaming that I would birth in ease with my husband & children present witnessing this miracle that God has sent down to us. I knew I was created to do hard things & I wanted to conquer birth, the way God intended me to. So this last birth changed me & I am not going to lie… it was the hardest labor + birth of my life. BUT I am so grateful that we got to experience true labor this time around & even though we ended up in an emergency c-section due to a rare condition that only God could see coming… I am so thankful that baby + I both were able to greet each other, peacefully here together.

I didn’t realize that I had spent so much time over the last decade, secretly judging moms who opted for voluntary inductions, epidurals + involuntary c-sections… after having 2 cesareans of my own that I didn’t want to have in the first place. So now, I feel like I am truly able to understand that birth is truly different for every one & a good birth experience isn't just limited to the ones that are intervention-free. The competitiveness, the gentle judgment extends into our birth with our son, Kit.

As someone that runs a holistic account & is trying to live more of a lowtox lifestyle, I have always been open on the fact that I believe modern medical care has a time & place. Holistic + western (whatever you want to call it) medicine can live in harmony & coexist together—it’s never been only one or the other. This is an instance where emergency medical care is a beautiful thing & can be appreciated for what it is.

Yes, I am still processing every detail. I feel like for some reason, women are now being judged on how they choose to birth their children now… as if the mother & child merely surviving isn’t still considered a victory. I would like to say very clearly here—there is no right answer when it comes to this stuff; it’s a very personal decision + at the end of the day, the ultimate decision is not up to you… it’s really up to our Creator. Our baby somehow was thriving with the placenta completely detached from my uterine wall. It was a literal miracle he was in the womb, thriving. Only our God could do such a thing. After all of these years, I had been viewing birth as a competitive sport—one that I prided myself on wanting to be good at, I finally began to see that birth is something that is out of a person's control. You can dream up & fantasize over your birth, but if God calls you from… He will call you to.

Labor is an extremely emotional, life-altering experience. When it doesn’t go as planned, it can be shocking + depressing. It’s actually something that to this day, trust me. But once things start moving quickly, suddenly your beautiful baby is in your arms & everything is okay again. I can’t help but have a mix of feelings, questions, confusion or disbelief about what I had just experienced + how the events played out. I’m here to tell you that it’s OKAY to be sad that things didn’t go as planned. We place such high expectations on ourselves. We think that the ultimate gift of our baby in our arms should dismiss any unwanted interventions we may have had delivering the baby.

We feel guilty. Guilty for even thinking that aspects of our labor were disappointing. Guilty for feeling sad that our expectations around childbirth weren’t met. Guilty for wishing something went differently, even though that thing was “small” & so insignificant compared to others’ labor complications you’ve heard about. Guilty because the ultimate goal of having our baby in our arms WAS achieved, & shouldn’t that be all that matters.

No. It’s not all that matters. Yes, our first priority as mamas is that our baby is born healthy + safely. But YOU matter, too.

To make things worse, so much attention is placed on the baby after birth that we can feel raw & unseen for the experience we just had. During moments when we MIGHT feel like confiding in someone about our labor disappointment, well-meaning family or friends respond with things like… “At least your baby is healthy & safe.” or “Your baby is here & that’s all that matters.” or “Oh no one’s birth goes to plan, honey!” This makes us feel even more alone. It causes us to further question our feelings & can make us feel even more guilty.

Add this to our already heightened emotional state (thanks postpartum hormones 👋).

It’s the last thing we mamas need to be dealing with.

👉🏼 I’m here to tell you it IS okay to FEEL. 👈🏼

👉🏼 It’s okay to be MAD that things didn’t go as planned. 👈🏼

👉🏼 It’s okay to feel like it’s NOT FAIR–like you were robbed of the labor you wanted. 👈🏼

👉🏼 It’s okay to feel SAD about the loss of control you felt in the delivery room when your provider suggested a new course of action. 👈🏼

👉🏼 It’s okay to feel CONFUSED about the events that progressed, or FRUSTRATED about the way things went. 👈🏼

If no one else has said it to you yet, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that some level of your expectations around childbirth weren’t met. We all focus on the body healing after birth, but the mind has to heal, too. And it might take longer for your mind to heal than it did your body, & that’s okay. Pushing away or hiding your feelings of sadness, anger or guilt only makes you feel worse & it will slow down the healing process.

💥 These feelings DO NOT make you less of a mother.

💥 They DO NOT make you selfish.

💥 They DO NOT detract the love you have for your baby.

💥 They show that you care + love your baby so much, that you HAD expectations & a vision for your baby’s birth.

💥 They make you HUMAN. An emotional, feeling human being.

💥 They come from the SAME body, soul + mind that lovingly grew & carried your baby for 9 (give or take) months.

💥 The SAME body, soul + mind that makes you the amazing mama you are to your baby.

Let’s start bringing this conversation to light.

Labor disappointment is real. It can impact our postpartum healing & even our plans for any future children. Countless women before us & after us will give birth + each birth has its own story. Let’s do a better job of talking about & supporting one another in the births we want to have + in the postpartum period after. What you did for your baby is heroic & I want you to remember that always. You gave your baby the gift of life & you’ve nurtured + loved that baby every day since. Give yourself grace & nurture yourself now, too.

Ultimately, where you choose to deliver is a highly personal decision that you’ll make with your partner & your doctor/midwife… A home birth may not be an option for you, depending on your medical history. But if you are a candidate, it is worth considering if you are looking for an alternative to a medicated hospital birth. I am & will forever be team home birth/birth center birth. Team Hospital. Team back of your car. Team wherever you would like, really.

I believe that everyone should be given the option to birth the way they would like to birth, as long as everything checks out to be healthy. You know how endless your love for your baby is no matter how they came into the world. But please know just how worthy you are. And that it’s not just you who thinks that. My definition of safety in birth may look different from yours & that’s okay as well. But I will take a firm position that home birth is not LESS safe than giving birth under medical supervision. There is a risk involved either way.

Birth is birth, no matter how it happens.

I forgot to wallow in the strength of how I labored, how I welcomed each contraction with a slow & steady breath. How I battled the pain with grace for the long-awaited moment of holding our sweet child in my arms. When I reflect on my journey of carrying & of giving birth… my body + I both agree that this is where we have felt our strongest.

That this is where we have joined in unison & have witnessed the glory of God.

My body stretched, bled + formed liquid gold. And now, proof of my child’s existence claims its territory over every inch of this being. All-consuming. Forever changing me in a way I never expected that I could be. I thought I knew the ways of the universe until my body became a maternal terrain. The roots started setting, reaching across my breasts, my hips, my thighs & a rushing surge climbed the globe of my belly, marking the space that stretched for a love so immense that it filled + shaped me like a full moon.

Writing my birth story has made me realize so much, especially as a third time mom. Postpartum identity loss after welcoming a new baby is common. Small, positive changes can help you feel like yourself again. The postpartum period is an often neglected part of planning for a new baby. New parents + infants are in desperate need of support after birth. More & more women are struggling to adjust to life with their baby + 15-20% are experiencing symptoms of postpartum depression + anxiety.

When you become a mother, chances are you stopped doing a lot of the things you were used to doing. You probably don’t see your friends as often. Maybe you don’t have date nights with your partner anymore. You might not even have time to take a relaxing shower or enjoy a long bath like you used to. Something called postpartum identity loss may set it. You don’t do what you want whenever you want anymore, eat what you want when you want it anymore, or sleep when you want to—suddenly life is all about being a mother + taking care of your new baby.

The difference between an empowering birth & a potentially difficult or traumatic birth experience is in exercising that power—in knowing that we can choose & that no one knows our body better than we do. In choosing, we take responsibility for our experiences. While we cannot control every aspect of birth—there is always an element of surrender required, we have so much more choice & control than we are led to believe. We must listen, learn & choose for ourselves. Because what if it works out the way we intended… that’s how we keep our power. Birth is the greatest invitation to transformation. It requires ALL OF YOU: the physical, emotional, mental & spiritual.

“Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers & waves have rolled over me.” —Psalm 42:7

It’s hard to put it all into words, because there is nothing like it.

Labor. Birth. The intensity. The sensations. Birth is completely other worldly. Entirely surreal & all consuming. Nothing else exists in that moment. You go to a place you’ve never been before. So deep within yourself, to find a woman you hadn’t yet been & find a strength you haven’t yet known to bring forth a life that God created.

It is a masterpiece. A perfectly designed masterpiece.

I will forever mourn the fact that a home birth was not something we will ever be able to experience together as a family, but we will forever be extremely grateful that I chose to listen to my motherly intuition, allowing us to travel deep waters together, going in the direction that we were supposed to go. It was an experience that I’ll never forget & I will be forever grateful for my incredible rock & husband Tyler for graciously supporting me through all of this.

No matter how hard babies get here, it’s hard work.

Motherhood is a ministry.

This is my ministry.

This is my WHY.

With two unsuccessful vaginal births both leading to emergency c-sections, not only is it unsafe for me to deliver outside of a hospital setting, it is unsafe for me to attempt another vaginal birth altogether due to my thin uterine walls. While in the hospital, the surgeon on duty advised me that if we try again, our delivery would have to be by scheduled cesarean. I don’t disagree with them on that at all--however, I don’t think I’m up for trying again.

Unbeknownst to me, I was not a good candidate for a home birth like I thought I was. Truthfully, I was not a good candidate for a VBA2C period... whether I attempted labor in a hospital or at home. It is hard for me to look back at the fact that a natural birth just was not in the cards for me, as much as I wished it were. However, despite the disappointing outcome, I don’t regret trying for a home birth with my family. The home birth experience is empowering. I felt completely comfortable—I was in familiar surroundings, I knew what to expect because it wasn’t my first birth, and I was determined to have the birth that I wanted. My labor at home was WAY less painful than when I labored with our 2nd baby in the hospital, just being in the comfort of our home helped us to work through the pain so that I actually felt it less.

Childbirth is inherently risky, & there are indeed risks involved with home birth. However, if you are a good candidate for home birth + you are working with a qualified midwife, statistically it may be safer than a hospital birth. Based on the criteria, I seemed like a candidate for home birth. However, nobody can see when placental abruption is going to occur. When the surgeon came to check on me right after my c-section this time, I could tell he thought I was crazy for attempting a home birth with my condition. Which is completely understandable since he only deals with the instances where home births don’t work out the way they should. This is often the prevailing thought on home births from the hospital side. However, opinions are slowly changing. Especially with the mothers + babies who are able to have a successful delivery at home.

In my case, placental abruption was out completely of my control & it isn't something that anyone should mess around with it. It is a complication of pregnancy that happens when the placenta separates from your uterus before delivery. About 1 out of 100 pregnancies has placental abruption. This condition is usually seen in the third trimester, but it can happen any time after 20 weeks of pregnancy up until delivery… usually resulting in an emergency cesarean. In placental abruption, the placenta comes completely detached or it may be partially detached. I suffered from a completely detached placenta. There was absolutely no connection with our baby & I during the last 24 hours of our son’s birth. This decreased the amount of oxygen + nutrients to our son & caused the heavy bleeding while in labor.

Women who have had c-sections for reasons beyond their control need to feel the love that moms who got to have the natural birth they wanted are allowed to feel. Moms who have had c-sections need & deserve respect + love for the way they birthed. We need to honor all ways of birth, even the ones that didn't go as we planned. Because it is still the way some children are brought into our lives. Hear me out. This isn't about being pro-cesarean. This is about being pro-mom.

You see, some people seem to think there are two kinds of moms--those who have c-sections + those who do not. This 'battle' divides us, & makes one side feel like a mother who didn't do the right thing. Birth is (to some) a private & deeply emotional event in a woman's life. Being judged for having a c-section without knowing the details is... well wrong. Many moms like me had to have a c-section in order to be a mother. It's as simple as that.

Life or death. A choice that has to be made quickly given the circumstance. C-section moms bear the scar where our babies were born + we shouldn't continue to be hurt by the insensitive words that many say without realizing that not all c-sections are frivolous choices. We love our babies just as much. Some of us are just as "crunchy" as homebirthers, we are attachment parents, we love our children & have amazing bonds with them.

When I look at our children… I am reminded of the goodness of God.

Because of these times, I am able to stand here & say that I’ve learned to be grateful for the hard times that have pushed me + grown me. I’ve learned that despite the devil trying to break me. It only pushed me further toward Christ. Please mama, take my advice… always listen to your intuition. You will be so glad that you did. Birth is beautiful in its many different forms & there's no reason for shame + judgment to exist. Period.

Looking back, I will never forget the first evening in the hospital… I remember looking at my reflection in the hospital mirror, the day after I gave birth–still swollen, sore & stretched in a way I had never been. I felt defeated. I felt like I had lost something. So many emotions were hitting me all at once. For whatever reason, I just couldn’t celebrate the win. I actually forgot to rejoice in the monumental moment that we had both just accomplished together—the birth of a child. I didn’t realize how fortunate that we both were to be here together, as a family of five.

I am still looking for ways to celebrate this WIN & that is what encouraged me to start this blog on my business page. I am so grateful you are here, reading my birth story about our redemption baby. I am honored to share with mothers our story, while we mourn together & celebrate something that only God could knit together so beautifully.